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How to influence other people

By Guest Author On June 30, 2011 Under Improve Your Life, Improve Your Self Esteem, Law of Attraction, Self Help Tips, Self Improvement, Setting Goals, Success Secrets

What are the deep keys of getting other people to do what you want ?

How on earth do you influence people to do what you desire

There are lots of show on TV these days , books and courses (for example NLP and hypnotherapy) that say they will show you how to influence others to do what you want. But , can you really do it ?

OK , the honest answer is yes AND no!

In reality we cannot utter some magical words and have other people do our bidding – and that’s a good thing , as it would suggest that we are like some sort of robot that could possibly be programmed by anybody .

Yet everyday we are influencing people without even knowing it . In fact , we cannot NOT influence.

Every time you go into a room or meet someone , you are influencing their thoughts and behavioursjust by being there in the same environment .

Whenever you say anything you are influencing what is going on in that individual’s mind.

Whenever we send any communication we are influencing someone , and therefore it would be a good idea to understand how we are influencing people and whether we could do this even more effectively !

Here are some steps to influence:

  1. Begin from a ‘win-win’ psyche
    Others will usuallyrealize if you are trying to take them for a ride – even if it works for a little , they will not like it. It is important to consider a positive result for other people and not just for us
  2. Say to yourself ‘ What do they want ?’
    You cannot influence anyone if you do not know what is in it for them. If you can answer that simple question and show them how they will get it , you can achieve amazing results !
  3. Get into rapport
    When I first went on an NLP Training I learned some unbelievably potent skills for developing rapport. This is developed through matching and mirroring – really doing similar things to the other person, or copying someone’s behaviour. For example , assuming a similar physiology to them – if they have their arms crossed , cross your arms. Find common areas of interest in communication .
  4. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person
    Try to really internally construct what is going on for the other person. If your message doesn’t have the desired effect , keep altering your behaviours until you are getting the outcome you desire . Remember that if your communication doesn’t get the desired outcome , it may be to a great extent regarding how you are communicating it, not them – be flexible!
  5. Invoke the law of reciprocity
    The law of reciprocity says that when we give somebody something , they will want to do something for us . So take any opportunity to help other people – at some point in the future you’ll be glad you did when they help you !


Take note of these steps to influence and you’ll get some pretty amazing results. There are many more steps that can also make a difference , and as a friend of mine who is a hypnotherapist in London commented once ‘resistance in other people is commonly a sign of our own inflexibility’.

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