•  
  •  

Subscribe to this blog

Subscribe to full feed RSS
What the? RSS?!

Subscribe Via Email

We respect your privacy.

What things can I say/do/think about to help improve my self-confidence and motivation?

By Guest Author On March 31, 2010 Under Self Help Tips

I come from a dysfunctional family to say the least, and its pretty apparent that they all put fronts for "outsiders" but its pretty clear that each and everyone of them is miserable and aren’t too happy with life. How can I break this cycle?

I’ve gathered that the happier people in my life are bursting with self-confidence. It’s not as easy for me. I’m only 2 exams from gradating college yet I still have no idea what I want to do in life or even where for that matter. Things such as this have really been eating me away as of late and I find myself often lacking the motivation to go do anything. I’m just…coasting through life right now… I was hoping for recommendations on what I can do to help boost my confidence and motivation to at least get happier.

Not looking for the "you’ll figure it out" or "it will come with time". Also the "maybe you should talk to someone" idea isn’t what I’m looking for either (want ideas I haven’t thought of yet) Thanks YA.

I’ve learned to meet people and find fulfillment in traveling volunteer activities like alternative breaks. You get to go places & do things otherwise you’d never get a chance to, while you’re helping people & networking. There usually is a schedule so you have to participate essentially whether you feel like it or not; being active makes me feel exhausted at first, then it kicks in & I really feel better–even if I’m exhausted. Knowing I am relied on & that I am enjoying what I do turns into motivation. Seeing that I am really helping is the best self-confidence booster.

There are millions of opportunities. Some of them are through the government, some through religious organizations, & some where you pay to spend X amount of time to work for them (which is used to pay for your food, housing, & support the program). If you have some graduation money (or check into if the program has grant/scholarship opportunities) I highly recommend taking the next 3-6 months of your life volunteering somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

Find opportunities here:

http://www.idealist.org/volunteer/travel.html

http://www.volunteerabroad.com/search.cfm

http://volunteer.gov/gov/

http://www.usafreedomcorps.gov/for_volunteers/find_opps/index.asp

P.S.

Listen to This American Life’s Episode 166: http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1237

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • bodytext
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google

Related Posts

  • No Related Posts
7 comments - add yours
Shan

April 1, 2010

Motivation is addressed in section 28, at ezy build, below. The following is a bit of a dog’s breakfast, but take what you can use from it. See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you . Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~ Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, as it has a good section on building self esteem, using a different approach. ~~~
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tend to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You’ll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person’s name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation. [ AND MINE: USE THEIR NAME FOR A WHILE, OFTEN, AT FIRST, SO IT HAS A BETTER CHANCE OF MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM SHORT TERM, TO LONG TERM MEMORY. FOR EXAMPLE: "What sort of things are you interested in, Obediah? I like archery, and train spotting, but am no longer combining the two." next: "I’m from Upper Volta, Obediah, Where are you from, originally?" READ SECTION 41, AT EZY BUILD, FOR MORE MEMORY TIPS.]

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don’t filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don’t mentally cut off the other person. Don’t reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude. ~~~ Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.

Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. ~~~ 1. Like yourself

The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this.

2. Attend Seminars

It is good if you attend seminars where professional speakers offer you tips and guidance on gaining confidence. During the speech, you can even pick up tips on public speaking from the speakers by watching their body language and the way they project themselves.

3. Motivate yourself

Whether it is for an interview or for a presentation, tell yourself that you can do it. Motivate yourself each day and soon you will find your confidence level growing. Another good way for motivation is that after work or study each day you should make a list of at least four things that you did well for that day.

4. Overcome fears

Some people always have a fear that they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will be a disadvantage and would cause you to lack confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life. So in order for you to get rid of this fear you have to remind yourself that if you haven’t try something you can never say that you will fail in it. Be positive and try things without any fear or insecurity. For example at work your boss is asking you to head a team but you fear that you will make a mess out of it. Such a fear will prevent you from taking on that task at work. But if you were a confident person you wouldn’t think twice about failing and would gladly take on that task. This shows that a lack of confidence could also affect your career.

5. Accept Failures

If you are always crying over the mistakes that you made in your life, you will never get anywhere. Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed and what’s done is done. Thus it is no use crying over spilt milk. A confident individual always looks past those failures in his life. After all, failures are just part and parcel of becoming successful. If you failed once you should take that failure as a learning lesson. ~~~ The following extract from my fear/anxiety reply can be adapted to asking what you should focus on in future: it may help to have aptitude tests, and vocational guidance beforehand. See section 13, on study tips, & 41. Minimise your contact with family, and, later in life, if visiting, stay in a hotel or motel, and have a meal in a restaurant, and don’t stay too long! If you don’t know what they are, write down 3 times, before going to sleep: "Tonight, in my dreams, I want to remember seeing what my fear is, when I get up", and put it under your pillow. Then say it aloud 3 times, after lights out. It is important to summon as much desire as you are capable of, to more effectively communicate this to your subconscious mind. If this works, it should produce a response within 2 weeks; if not, you may not be remembering, so set an alarm to go off after, first, 3 hrs; next night 4; next night 5: have a pen & paper handy, and WRITE DOWN THOSE DREAMS!!! or, chances are, you will forget. Remember, the response may be metaphorical (figurative), rather than literal.

There is a section on dream interpretation, here in Y!A, and view section 3 on dream interpretation, at ezy build (feel free to email me by clicking on my profile, but I am a lot better with interpreting dreams of males, than females) if you have any difficulty, but the idea is to, immediately after waking & writing down, question the characters inhabiting that dream, and note any thoughts, images, impressions, or emotions which result.
References :

bigdan535

April 1, 2010

"I come from a dysfunctional family to say the least, and its pretty apparent that they all put fronts for "outsiders" but its pretty clear that each and everyone of them is miserable and aren’t too happy with life. "Sorry,but you`ve just described everybody on Earth believe it or not.I suggest you read something by Vernon Howard.Seriously.
References :

chaoshelp18

April 1, 2010

You have to think positive, stay away from negativity, bad thoughts, friends, places, music, and anything that brings you down. Always go towards things that bring you happiness.
References :

pat

April 1, 2010

First of all you should be very proud of your self for doing the college thing and making to the end. Have you ever thought about working out, it could help, with self confidence. You shouldn’t be so concerned with the dysfunctionalness of your family, although you probably care about them very much it is time to live life for yourself. Just realizing what makes them disfunctional already means you have broken the cycle. Whatever it is that you have go to school for must of at some point be a great passion of yours, follow your passions…weither it leads you in the right direction or not is all a part of the learning curve. Good luck, and congrats!!
References :

tim s

April 1, 2010

Abstract. I came from the same type of disfunctional family, are you my brother? Anyhow, try looking in the mirror each day and saying 5 good things about you. Here is the hard part. Each day you can not repeat what you have already said. You will have to dig deeper and deeper into your soul for the good things to say about yourself. They will be there just not so easily found. You will realize you are a good person and you will start to realize you have a lot to offer the world. It seems like a simple exercise but it does become difficult. My therapist had me do it and it is hard. The other thing you might do is start talking to people. Not just people you know but other people like start conversations at the checkout stand about the weather or the price of food just small talk and you will find it makes you day more pelasant to learn to talk to others. You become more outgoing and gregarious. I hope this helps.
Tim
References :

top_secret_54321

April 1, 2010

I’ve learned to meet people and find fulfillment in traveling volunteer activities like alternative breaks. You get to go places & do things otherwise you’d never get a chance to, while you’re helping people & networking. There usually is a schedule so you have to participate essentially whether you feel like it or not; being active makes me feel exhausted at first, then it kicks in & I really feel better–even if I’m exhausted. Knowing I am relied on & that I am enjoying what I do turns into motivation. Seeing that I am really helping is the best self-confidence booster.

There are millions of opportunities. Some of them are through the government, some through religious organizations, & some where you pay to spend X amount of time to work for them (which is used to pay for your food, housing, & support the program). If you have some graduation money (or check into if the program has grant/scholarship opportunities) I highly recommend taking the next 3-6 months of your life volunteering somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

Find opportunities here:

http://www.idealist.org/volunteer/travel.html

http://www.volunteerabroad.com/search.cfm

http://volunteer.gov/gov/

http://www.usafreedomcorps.gov/for_volunteers/find_opps/index.asp

P.S.

Listen to This American Life’s Episode 166: http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1237
References :
Been there, done that

The Coroner of China

April 1, 2010

Well, you could try a goal. Not the kind like getting the dishes done before bed or even graduating at the top of your class with the lucky few… I mean a Goal…. Something so fantastic and wonderful that if somebody just walked up to you now and gave it to you you wouldn’t believe it. Seriously.
Set it to come true in about ten years from now and make it big. The bigger the better…. the sky is the limit.. and that goes on forever right… right.
It comes true. It always comes true. And everything else will fall into place won’t it.

At first it’ll be little things that you may well say are coincidence but in no time stuff happens that can be nothing else but your dream come true.
You’ll meet powerful and influencial people, you’ll gain access to resources you never would have dreamed possible… the universe itself will seem to conspire to make it all come true… and the list goes on and on and on.
References :
The Coroner of China> Alright You Guys> Flight: First Session-The Coroner of China@2008

Early Anthony Robbins

Professor Grant Supercar Hypnotist
Patient
St Thomas Psychiatric Hospital
St Thomas Ontario
Canada