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The Top Ten Tips On Managing Conflict, Emotional Tension And Anger

By Guest Author On December 9, 2010 Under Personal Development

To be a safe and predictable person for those around you at work and at home, it is important that you are able to maintain your composure when you feel like your ‘buttons’ are being pushed. This strength will aid you to achieve your goals in business and also your goals for your personal relationships.

1. Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone. E-mails, answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of negative words. What feels like a bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person.

2. Pepper your responses with the phrase, understand. This phrase will help your goals when the tension is high and you need to look for common ground to form compromises or agreements with the other party.

3. Take serious notice when you feel threatened by what somebody is saying to you. Fight the temptation to defend yourself or to shut down the other person’s communication. It will take this type of discipline to become an open, trusting communicator.

4. Practice making requests of others when you are angry. It’s usually much more beneficial to make a request than to share your anger. For example, if the babysitter is driving you crazy by leaving dirty dishes in the sink, it’s much better to make a request of them than to let your anger leak out in other ways like by becoming more distant.

5. Attempt repeating the exact words which somebody is saying to you when they are in a whole lot of emotional pain or when you disagree with them totally. This mirroring strategy can keep both the speaker and the listener ‘centered’ in a difficult conversation, specially when the attitude of the person doing the mirroring is to gain understanding of a different point of view.

6. Be responsible for your feelings in order to avoid blaming others. Notice when ‘blameshifting’ begins to leak into your speech. “I feel upset when you’re twenty minutes late and you don’t call me” is more preferable than, “You are making me so angry by being late.”

7. Learn how to listen to the two sides of the conflict that you are in as if you were the mediator or the counselor. If you’re able to listen and respond in this manner, you’ll bring peace and remedies to the conflict more quickly.

8. Take a playful attitude towards developing the skill of emotional self-control in high conflict situations. You can view keeping self-control in a tense, angry converstion as an athletic feat. You might also see developing this skill as comparable to working out at the gym with weights – the more that you utilize your self-control muscle, the bigger it’ll grow and the easier it will be to stay calm when tension is great.

9. Wait a few days to cool down emotionally when a circumstance makes you feel wild with strong feelings, such as rage. After a while, you will be able to be more objective about the issues and to look into the truth about the situation more clearly.

10. Make a decision to speak with decorum whenever you’re angry or frustrated. If you give yourself permission to blow up, people will not feel safe around you. They’ll feel that you are not predictable and will carry ‘shields’ when they’re near you. The fear and walls of others will not support your goals for success in relationships or at work.

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